A521.4.3.RB - Subtleties of Communication and Hidden Messages

When communicating we often find ourselves miscommunicating whether it’s caused by the way we use our body language or the context in which the conversation was started. Some of the things that can lead to miscommunication could be a nuances associated with body language, paralanguage, meta-messaging and hidden agendas. Being Spanish I tend to use my hands when I talked. I remember a time where I was doing a presentation and I learned first hand to be aware of you body language. Some of the feedback I received was that I using my hands too much and was causing a distraction from the point I wanted to make. While reading the book titled, Messages – The Communications Skills Book by Mckay & Davis (2009), I found some helpful pointers to improve my presentation skills.

First, body language. Social kinesics, or body communication is something that we learned from a young age (McKay, & Davis, 2009). According to Webster Dictionary, body language is defined as “the gestures, movements, and mannerisms by which a person or animal communicates with others” (Body language, n.d.). Body language is important in communication because we need to understand how we come across to other people and be able to send the right message. Additionally, we need to able to read the signals that another person is sending back when communicating (Why is Body Language important? 2009). According to McKay, Davis, & Fanning (2009) “Understanding body language is essential because over 50 percent of a message’s impact comes from body movements” ( p. 807-808). When communicating to a group the speaker must be able to be self-aware of his/her body movement. One way that I was able to improve in this area was by practicing my presentation with a friend and in front of the mirror. By doing this I was able to personally see what my body was doing while doing the presentation.

Second, paralanguage & Metamessages. According to McKay, Davis, & Fanning (2009) “Paralanguage is the vocal component of speech, considered apart from the verbal content” (p.959). This is the way communication is deliver, communicate and presented.  The six elements of paralanguage are pitch, resonance, articulation, tempo, volume and rhythm (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009). These elements are used to convey the message and its intentions. In the other hand Metamessage communicates the speaker’s attitudes and feelings (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009). I was taught to always think about what you are going to say. My mentors use to tell that words have meaning and perception is reality. It took me a long time to realize what they were saying. Thinking before speaking is something that I’m getting better at. It stops you from looking bad and unintelligent. For example, I was in a meeting and they asked a question to the group. I was wanted to answer the question but I wasn’t sure if I understood the question. I hesitated and waited for someone else to answer; I was really lucky, because I was totally off from what they were referring to.

Third, and final is hidden agendas. Hidden agendas are excellent defensive maneuvers if you don’t feel very good about yourself (McKay, Davis, & Fanning, 2009). This reminds me of someone who is trying to make it seem that they are killing it at the gym. You see them acting and looking to see if anyone is seeing them. Additionally, working with HR can be difficult. They often use specific things that I don’t know because I’m not HR, it gets frustrating because they don’t explain it to me. McKay, Davis, & Fanning (2009) talked about eight major hidden agenda; I’m good, I’m good (but you are not), You’re Good (But I’m Not), I’m Helpless, I Suffer, I’m Blameless, I’m Fragile, I’m Tough, and I Know It All.  According to McKay, Davis, & Fanning (2009) the agendas serve two functions. The first is to build up and preserve an existential position, a basic stance in the world. The second function of your agendas is to promote ulterior motives and needs.

Body language. (n.d.). Retrieved April 17, 2016, from http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/body language

McKay, Matthew; Davis, Martha; Fanning, Patrick (2009-03-03). Messages: The Communication Skills Book (Kindle Location 834). New Harbinger Publications.

Why is Body Language important? (2009). Retrieved April 17, 2016, from http://www.skillstudio.co.uk/help/communication-skills/why-is-body-language-important.htm